Why Do Men Dump Women After Sex?

Why do men dump women after sex?

Why do men dump women after sex?

Steve Nakamoto served over 5 years as iVillage.com’s Mr. Answer Man relationship expert where he helped women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. He is the Writer’s Digest Award-winning author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man, Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love, and Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Achieving Everyday Communication Success. Visit his website at SteveNakamoto.com.

Reader question: Why do men dump women after sex?
Doug and I started dating about 3 months ago and I thought I would take things slow this time, considering that once I jump into bed with a man, he mysteriously disappears. So after our 10th date, I finally gave in to my desires and we slept together.

Well, guess what?

After a couple more weeks together, he told me that he wasn’t interested anymore.

Now, what I need to know is, why do men leave once they get the “prize”? Isn’t there more to life than just sex with myriad women?

By the way, I’m in my 30s and so are most of the men I date.


Steve Nakamoto’s answer:
What you’ve done in this relationship is perfectly okay. You allowed it the time to take hold and gave it your best. It didn’t work out because it wasn’t the right match at this time. Simply raise your awareness and move forward without any negativity.

So how can you raise your awareness about dating, love, and men? Here are a few things to ponder from an honest male perspective:

1- Reduce the time factor from your equation: The key is to make an emotional connection as quickly as possible. If that connection is not made in a short time, then any additional time only adds to the doubt, not the conviction.

2- The emotional connection must precede the sex: In other words, sex without a connection creates emotional awkwardness. So in your case, if the connection wasn’t strong enough, then the sex did not bring any more certainty to him. In this case, the sex was not a “prize” to him. It was more of a last hope for impact.

3- Men leave when it doesn’t feel right: A man has a lot of reasons for moving on. Some have nothing to do with you directly (commitment issues, emotional attachments to other women, personal quirks, age-immaturity, financial fears, guilt, unfair comparisons, etc.).

4- In my book, Men Are Like Fish, I state an American proverb that reads: A man chases a woman until she catches him. The point that I make is that love works best when it is the woman who has the upper hand and not the man. When the man has the upper hand, he goes for quantity until he meets his match. That match is the woman who is more than his equal in many ways. It’s the woman that he has to prove himself to in order to get her attention and love.

5- Always keep in mind that what a good man really wants is a woman who is a consistent source of joy. Based on this principle, you’ve either not picked a good man or you haven’t been a consistent source of joy. The silent killer of joy is negativity. And negativity comes disguised in worry, fear, doubt, envy, jealousy, judgment, control, insecurity, etc. There’s a whole personal development lesson on this stuff, but for now just focus on who you are being on a daily basis.

And lastly, remember that the only people who lose at love are those who give up or quit too soon. Those who succeed stay true to the desire deep within their heart and enjoy the journey.

Good luck and be a source of joy.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , by Steve Nakamoto. Bookmark the permalink.

Steve Nakamoto

Steve Nakamoto served over 5 years as iVillage.com's Mr. Answer Man relationship expert where he helped women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. He is the Writer's Digest Award-winning author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man, Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love, and Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Achieving Everyday Communication Success. Visit his website at www.stevenakamoto.com.
  • belinda

    that is very true what the author wrote men are like fish
    i agree to that 100% keep up the good work

  • Bonghit68

    Na, after a bang her I vanish. Relationships are a waste

  • moon

    men won’t change until women change and start using their chastity belts. but that will never happen with birth control. women give it away…even the married ones.

  • Betta Franka

    Research shows that most people have sex while dating but BEFORE commitment. Once the guy is invested, he won’t dump you just because you had sex with him, on the contrary, once there is an emotional connection, sex makes the bond stronger. The problem is not how easy the woman is, but how invested is the man. If the men doesn’t like you enough, he will dump you sex or not.

  • brad

    Because the majority of women who date in there age group only date men in the top tier (20%) of looks, career etc. on dating sites. These men can date multiple women and can leave after sex to a better and more sexy women. That’s why many women complain they cant find a honest good man for a LTR. These men hop around like butterflies, and I don’t blame them.

  • Jane

    I went on a dating site at xmas and met 6 men, all left after 1-2 dates. I am a very attractive woman for my age, down to earth, friendly etc, very fit. I let the men come to me and ask to date me. So one man it went fine for 6 weeks I was so happy, then he left me in a text message on a Friday morning, saying he cant have a relationship hes focusing on his life etc. I found out later hes on many dating sites and has hundreds of women for 13 yrs now he leaves every one of them. He puts he wants a longterm relationship but he doesn’t. So when he found out that I know hes lying, he blocked me. Then I dated another man (he knew this man we hung out before) and this man has a lot of stress in his life. We met for a few drinks it was really a meetup not a date. I was emotional cause still hurt about his friend. He was putting his friend down which shocked me. Then we kept in touch and he asked me out again- this time he came to my place after his work. We ended up having sex (the chemistry was amazing) and I know that’s too soon, but it got me over his friend. He said hes too busy to be dating til xmas he does catering work 10 hr shifts for many days straight and is in court for his ex trying to take his home and his mom is put in a nursing home for alzheimers. The second time we met there are some things that were neglected, I did not try to touch him at first, we did not kiss or makeout, we talked. He asked me what I thought of his body and I hardly responded (my mind was on other things), so not much emotional connection as we both had high stress. I feel hes more suited to me than his friend. He is worried if his friend finds out it will be a major issue (they go back 30 years). So then he said we should just be friends for now and I agreed. Then we kept in touch over texting for over a week. I invited him out again and he said he wants to see me again, when he has free time. Then the texting stopped, after 3 days I went into the dating site and his profile was DELETED BY HIM. He has my phone number and its now a week since I last talked to him by text. Im really sad about this. I saw him on this dating site every day after we met, he took his photo out but was still talking to girls but girls could not come to him. He either met someone or got fedup with the site like I did (I deleted my profile right after!). I got rude men or ugly men and the man I like don’t respond. I had one guy drug my drink. I had another show photos of girls hes having sex with. I had some block me for no reason we are chatting and bang! So very bad energy. I had one try to scam me with a fake photo. What I found out very few man want a relationship on dating sites they want shortterm flings and sex and you can be replaced in SECONDS.

  • Betta Franka

    If you want a good man avoid dating sites at all costs, there’s a reason why only 23% of people who date online find a LTR. Online dating is NOT natural. When you meet someone offline, love develops at its pace. You interact with the person BEFORE you go on a date, so chances are that you can better guess his intentions, you know where he comes from and you know if you are attracted to each other. Online, the only thing you see about each other are a couple of pics and a written profile. You don’t know how much chemistry you have, you don’t know his intentions because the only thing you know about him is what HE has told you. Wishful thinking can distort how we see a person and the less we know about them, the less realistic is our image of them. They see a cute girl, and you see a great man. Once you meet, they realize that you are very attractive indeed but not quit what they were looking for in terms of character. They are not what you look for either, but your desire to have a relationship clouded you’re judgement.

    Keep in mind also that dating sites attract people with commitment issues and those that are only looking for sex, and the worst part is that some of them might not be aware of that, so you’re chances of catching bad guys in disguise are a lot higher.