Why I Love Giving Blow Jobs and Why You Should Too

datedaily mate1

The other night I was having dinner with a friend and he shared some very disturbing news: apparently there are still girls who don’t give head.

(I mean “still” in the relative sense of at this point in our lives, not at this point in time. It’s understandable that the earlier you are in your sexual development, the more foreign, and perhaps distasteful, the act of oral sex might seem. But by one’s late twenties (though hopefully much earlier) it should really be a regular part of everyone’s sexual repertoire.)

Which brings me back to the disturbing news: there are still girls who don’t do it.

This revelation did come with the caveat that it’s quite uncommon. Especially at our age, to encounter someone who unequivocally refuses to partake in such a basic element of sex is far from the norm. But it still got me asking why? To which I really couldn’t come up with a plausible answer, aside from maybe that blow jobs are “demeaning” or “gross.”

To those girls who think they’re demeaning, I don’t really know what to say, except that it’s only demeaning if you frame it as such. I mean, you could go all Andrea Dworkin and argue that all heterosexual sex is rape, but in that case I think your issues with sex go beyond mere blow jobs. Is you going down on a guy anymore demeaning than a guy going down on you?

No sexual act—aside from maybe two lesbians 69ing—will ever be completely symmetrical, so there’s always going to be an element of imbalance. That doesn’t mean this imbalance in inherently unfair or misogynistic. Sex is about finding the overall balance of pleasure, even if that means that certain individual acts are more one-sided.

And to those girls who think blow jobs are “gross,” you probably have no business having sex in the first place.

So this goes out to all the girls who still don’t give blow jobs, for whatever reason.

Why I love giving blow jobs and why you should too:

Reciprocity. I’ll begin by appealing to your logical side: If you don’t expect to go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you? Though each individual sexual act might have an element of imbalance, the cumulative total should end up being fairly balanced. So if you don’t go down on him, he has every right not to go down on you. And then what are you left with? Pretty much just sex. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking just sex—I like a morning quickie as much as anyone else—but is that all you want all the time? When I go to a restaurant, I don’t order just an entrée. I also get an appetizer, a glass of wine, some dessert, maybe a cheese plate; sometimes I even like to start with a cocktail. My point is, if you like the idea of variety, you have to give some to get some. Period.

The better you are at something, the more you like it; the more you like it, the better you become. It’s a positive feedback loop. It’s obvious that doing something you aren’t great at isn’t a lot of fun. You have no idea if you’re doing it right, and if you’re not doing it right, you wonder what the point is, which makes you dislike the whole process. Solution? Do it a lot. Over and over again. Until you get better. I promise (cross my heart) that the better you get at giving blow jobs, the more you will enjoy it. For those of you who are lucky enough to be in a loving committed relationship, I’m sure (in fact I would bet everything I own on it) that your partner has absolutely no issue whatsoever with you practicing blow jobs on him. Be honest about what your insecurities are, and let him (gently, constructively) coach you. If you both have a competitive nature, you can play a little game of Oral Olympics against each other and give each other scores on things like technique, speed, and orgasm intensity (or make your own categories, it’ll be fun!) For those of you who are lucky enough to be single and playing the field, a friend with benefits is also a great person with whom to practice. Otherwise there is plenty of literature on the subject. And gentlemen, if you have any doubts about how to (gently, constructively) coach your partner, Ask Olivia gives you a few tips. I promise, once you get really good at it, you’ll love it, and practice makes perfect.

It’s a turn on. Plain and simple, arousing someone else causes you to become aroused. If you don’t think there’s something deliciously wonderful about one act giving two people so much pleasure, I’m not really sure you understand the point of sex to begin with. We all know that it takes longer for girls to get aroused than it does for guys, and we all know that for women mental arousal is just as, if not more important than physical arousal. (You know that slightly awkward moment when a guy you just started making out with tries to finger you seemingly out of nowhere and it sort of just feels like someone is poking you? Because if you’re not mentally turned on yet, you’re not really going to respond as much to physical stimulation—at least not the way a guy might if you quietly slid you hand in between his legs at the dinner table when he’s least expecting it.) So ladies, a blow job is one great way to get you in the mood. Let me paint you a picture: You go down on him and he starts getting really turned on. You can feel him hardening in your hands and in your mouth (which is a magical feeling, if I do say so myself), you can hear his breath quicken; he grabs your arm and tells you not to stop. This in turn starts to get you all hot and bothered (I mean, even just writing about it is getting me all hot and bothered). You start working him over a little more intensely, but then you start to want a little action of your own. So before he climaxes you have him take a little break to cool off while he goes down on you. You’re already there mentally, you’re getting there physically, and the only thing turning him on more than your blow job is the fact that you got yourself so turned on by giving him a blow job, and he can’t wait to go to town on you. You let him get you off once, by which point he’s definitely ready to go, you’re ready to go again, and you can finally fuck. Tell me it’s not a beautiful way to get things started.

It’s incredibly powerful. Being so utterly and completely in control of someone else’s pleasure is a very powerful feeling. Yes, there’s an element of that in sex too, especially if you’re in a position (literally or figuratively) where you’re calling the shots. But sex has a lot more distractions. Giving a blow job allows you to focus on one thing and one thing only, and it allows you to take away from him a control over his own pleasure that he’s used to having. Making him experience pleasure in a different way—at your hands instead of his own—allows you to decide what you want to happen. You can make a blow job a means to saucy end—the entrée itself—or you can just tease him into being ready for more—the appetizer to the main course, if you will. Whatever you’re hungry for, it’s up to you to decide how and when you want it, and he just has to lay back take what’s coming to him.

datedaily mate1

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To be honest, I never thought I’d have to write this article. I thought this was all self-evident. But even if blow job naysayers are few and far between, I think it’s critical to help them understand what they’re missing out on.

And don’t worry, I’ll be addressing the other side of the story—most importantly, reciprocity—in an upcoming column. Stay tuned for Why Guys Love Going Down on Girls and Why You Should Too.

 

UPDATE: This article has given rise to a lovely little debate! My friend and fellow sex columnist, Alice Paloma, wrote a response on her eponymous blog, which prompted a lively discussion on reddit. Please feel free to join in and contribute! I’d love to hear what you have to say.

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Have Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Need Advice? Have a funny/saucy/risqué dating or sex story you’d like to see in print but are too afraid to publish yourself?
Email me!
OliviaQuiver@gmail.com
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@OliviaQuiver

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Olivia Quiver

I believe that everything is better with a little Sauce. I enjoy playing devil's advocate, lusting after boys I know are too young for me, and drinking bourbon, neat. A sharp wit can slay me, as will a devilish smile. When I'm not giving unsuspecting men a run for their money, I'm telling my friends about it over a glass of wine. My other hobbies include running in Central Park and making a mess in the kitchen. The Sauce follows my adventures and misadventures around New York City, as well as my general musings about sex, dating, relationships, and, occasionally, love.
  • okmalvivant

    Excellent points! I’m probably the only male that I know that didn’t have a blowjob till I was 26, yet I had slept with plenty of girls….. I was just uptight, convinced that it was demeaning to girls and that they didn’t like it. I just thought that it would be selfish…

    Then, a girl I dated, who was gorgeous and obsessed with giving the best blowjobs ever, and who would seriously choose giving a BJ instead of sex if she was forced to pick one or the other, lectured me and set me straight!

    She said just what you said! I was, and still am, completely addicted to going down on girls, and it’s my number one turn on. She basically laid it out like you said. She pointed out that it was the same as me going down on her, that it turns her on to do it as much as I got turned on by doing it and that pleasing your partner is severely pleasing to the giver as much as the receiver. At that late age, I had seriously never seen it that way…. I loosened up and learned to REALLY enjoy it and then talked to female friends, and exes and they all told me they loved doing it! The exes all told me they were mystified that I didn’t ever want or ask for blowjobs, and they were to timid to bring it up. Younger girls can definitely be scared to be forward about sex. The best thing about being in my 30s and being with girls in their 30s is that by this point they know what they want, aren’t afraid to ask, demand or just simply do, and have confidence in their abilities.

    I am still always scared to correct somebody or give pointers if they aren’t doing it quite right. It seems like girls rarely take it well, which is surprising because I am always willing and eager to have someone instruct me. The worse has been a few girls who were supremely proud of their abilities, yet they were not good and I didn’t want to make them feel bad. I could tell they were giving blowjobs that were exactly what a previous guy may have loved and assuming it would be just as good for everybody. That is a lesson I had to learn about my oral abilities too!

    I dated someone when I was 18, went down on her all the time, perfected my technique, she loved it and I thought “yeah, I’m great at this!”. Wrong and probably wrong with every guy that brags about how good they are! The next girl I dated didn’t like what I was doing at all and I was confused and a little hurt…… luckily, I was able to quickly realize that the key to being great at cunnilingus is not have some set “technique” or tricks, but the ability to quickly, readily and happily learn and adapt to your partner! Now I expect to be told immediately, or to flat out ask, what I’m not doing right and to fix it. Paying attention is key!

    This is the first article I have read by you and I will continue to read more. Excellent stuff!

  • Linda

    You should be ashamed for telling people that there is something wrong with them simply because they don’t have the same sexual preferences as you. Your judgement of others’ sexual preferences means that others are more than within their rights to judge you for yours. Just because you’ve been brainwashed by Hustler into believing that certain sexual practices should be required or grounds for relationship termination doesn’t mean that everyone has.

  • nerdyprincessxoxo

    Look fucker leave that man alone he didnt say anything of the type and I enjoyed reading his response

  • Emily Frugalsworth

    I love giving head! I am selective about my recipients, but I love making then happy!

  • Bored2death420

    Sounds yummy! I bet you’re good at it too….

  • Anonymous

    Good points,and I want to add that the brain and the mouth are two top erogenous zones. If your mind and mouth are being stimulated while giving oral, of course you’re going to get turned on. I’m shocked when I meet men and women that say “Women don’t get anything out of blowjobs” or “Women only do it to please the guy.” Everyone is different. Just because some women and some men’s girlfriends don’t like bj’s doesn’t mean we’re all the same.

  • sugar

    This is so fucking disgusting and reprehensible.

    Oh no, some girls actually don’t like shoving a sweaty, smelly, twitching sausage down their throats! What a cause for national concern! What an outrage! Lynch ‘em!

    YOU are the one that needs to grow up and stop being so revoltingly narrow-minded. Nobody is obligated to do anything when it comes to sex.