Ahh, the blissful honeymoon phase of a new relationship. The tingles in your tummy as you think of your next date. Your faint blush as you remember the pretty complement you received on the last one. The singing in the shower. The rose-colored glasses making everything in your life seem just a little bit nicer.
You do not want to screw this up. So don’t do so by starting a conversation that could end in fighting, tears, recriminations or, worst of all, extended awkward silences.
Read on to find the top 10 worst things to talk about too soon:
New relationship topics to avoid #10
How much you hate anything
You’ll just be showing off how negatively you see the world. Negativity is a turn off, much like bad breath and ugly sweater-vests. No one ever wants to spend an entire evening listening to their dinner partner sound off about how they get no appreciation, live in the worst part of town, or just can’t get through to their mother. Avoid this. A few light-hearted, maybe deprecating comments here and there don’t hurt, but let’s not rant. Okay?
Instead: Talk about some of the challenges you’ve had at work, home or with the family – and how they ended well for you. Or at least some funny stories that make good anecdotes!
New relationship topics to avoid #9
Religion, politics, lifestyle choice
These things are all very important to discuss in a relationship. You’ll want to be with someone whose views you can at least respect, right? Of course. But the first few weeks of dating are for feeling out your new partner, and determining if they’ll be open to your viewpoint.
Don’t wait too long to find out if your date is a Scientologist, but approach the subject carefully and with tact. Even if it doesn’t work out – you never know if this person will pop up again in your life, and you don’t want to go down as the guy who dissed her religion.
Instead: Talk about food, music, books, movies, and local happenings. You’re just getting to know them after all – and it’s nice to have some of the above in common, too.
New relationship topics to avoid #8
Your terrible past
We’ve all screwed up. That’s a given. But why don’t you give your new gentleman or lady a chance to get to know the ”you” that you are now, instead of the brain-dead, drug-muleing, gang-indoctrinated 23-year-old you were?
Again – you’ll want to bring this up before things get too serious – full disclosure and all, but give yourself a fighting chance. Some potential mates will be open-minded about this sort of thing from the get-go. Others won’t. Remember: you’re still in the fact-finding stage of your relationship.
Instead: Tell some good tales about college hijinks, or that one time you thought you’d successfully snuck out of your bedroom window.
New relationship topics to avoid #7
Non-threatening medical conditions
Your potential new mate doesn’t need to know what brand of hemorrhoid cream you use. Nor do they require the intimate details of your toenail fungus. Ditto for your chronic ingrown hairs. Let’s try to keep the magic alive, at least for a few weeks, okay people?
Instead: Talk about some cool new medical advance you’ve read about. A cure for peanut allergies? Good topic. You’re friend who’s in Doctor’s Without Borders? Great topic. (Disclaimer – if your relationship is sexual at this point, you are morally bound to disclose any and all STIs. No excuses.)
New relationship topics to avoid #6
Your financial woes
This may seem shallow, but there’s some good, solid reasoning behind it. Most people have a fair amount of trouble and stress in their day-to-day lives, and they are not looking to take on any extra by dating.
Complaining about how you never have enough money to do anything will either send your partner running for the hills – or give them the idea that they’re going to have to take on the full financial burden of your relationship.
Besides, if you’re having trouble making your rent or mortgage payment – are you really even in a position to be dating?
Instead: Talk about your plans and dreams for the future. Someday you’ll have a chalet in France, or your own island. You’re partner can get in on the day-dreaming too!
New relationship topics to avoid #5
Your sexual resume
While being good in bed is a plus for any long-term relationship, most partners like to maintain a pleasant and comfortable illusion that they are the most, if not the only, memorable bed-mate you’ve had.
Talking about score after score, and wild night after wild night shatters this image completely. No one will seriously be imagining that they are your first partner – but there is no need to rub in their faces that they’re number 48. It’s just kind of nasty.
Instead: Mention some funny dating peccadillo that a movie or television character got into that made you laugh until you peed your pants. (Only, maybe don’t mention you peed your pants. See #7)
New relationship topics to avoid #4
Your bizarre fetish
It must be kept in mind that bizarre is a relative term. What is regular, day-in, day-out behaviour for some may seem the height of psycho-sexual insanity to someone else.
You wouldn’t invite your new, conservative lawyer girlfriend to a foam party with a bunch of anime characters, now would you? Not that partying with anime characters covered in bubbles is wrong – no, I don’t judge – but remember that she might, and it would be totally reasonable of her to be freaked out by this invitation.
Proclivities such as this, or any other “outside-the-norm” thing you’re into, such as sex toys, cross-dressing or smashing bananas between your toes, are subjects that should be broached tentatively, and after trust has been established.
Instead: Anything really. Maybe a book. Or how much you like linen sheets.
New relationship topics to avoid #3
Things about your partner that annoy you
So he keeps his socks on when he’s sleeping. Or leaves the toilet seat up. Or she chews salad with her mouth open. Yes it’s barbaric and gross – but only a few weeks in isn’t the best time to bring it up.
Sometimes a person is fabulous enough to forgive these indiscretions and foibles – but you haven’t been with them long enough to find out yet, now have you?
Instead: Think of a few things that that annoy you (that your partner doesn’t do) and mention it as a pet peeve. Think of other, non-personal pet peeves. If you have a few in common, you’ll get past your annoyance, and grow closer by bitching about how frustrating other people are.
New relationship topics to avoid #2
Your awesome ex
This is right up there with discussing your sexual history in its entirety. Your new boyfriend or girlfriend quite simply doesn’t want to hear the details. It will be taken for granted that you’ve dated others in the past. It will also be taken for granted that your new partner is superior to all others in the past. Whether or not this is true – let it ride.
Instead: Bring up some things you like about your current date. Maybe mention how they remind you of someone cool you used to know, or have some trait you admire. Think positively about the person you’re with now – and share those thoughts – men and women alike will enjoy hearing them.
New relationship topics to avoid #1
How much your parents loved your awesome ex
This is so obvious it doesn’t need an explanation. If you need an explanation, stop dating immediately, wait 5 years, and try again.
Plenty more relationship topics to avoid
What it comes down to is that these are all important topics that have to be discussed as a relationship becomes more serious. When you start to feel really deeply about someone, and have established trust, start going into the more intimate, or controversial aspects of your life.
You’ll never get to that point, however, if you’ve scared off Mr. or Ms. Thang by bringing up too much information too soon, you’ll never get the opportunity.