But more importantly, E. Jean Carroll is a hilarious, spontaneous, adventurous woman and reading this interview will show you how!

E. Jean Carroll

Read this. You won’t regret it.

We do too. 

Mate1 is developing a new site that is designed to better suit all of your online dating needs, but we need your help!

Tell us what you think! 

Mate1.com, one of the world’s top 5 dating sites, is conducting research interviews for a new site currently in development. We are looking for single Montrealers, both male and female, over the age of 35 who speak fluent English, have university degrees and earn over $70,000 a year. Interviews will last 1 hour and will be conducted at our offices on St Laurent Boulevard at the corner of Rachel next Monday (Feb 27th) between 10am and 5pm. The interviews will be private and 100% anonymous. Participants will receive $100 for their time.

Spread the word!

If you are interested in participating, please email us at research@mate1inc.com

In your email, please include:

Name

Age

Occupation

Whether or not you have been or are currently married

Whether or not you have used dating sites before

Your availability on Monday, February 27th

Jobbook is a new interactive website that offers online job matching, like online dating, but instead of a lover, you’ll look for a new career.

Online dating sites have come a long way since they first infiltrated the internet. Once basically chat rooms,  dating sites are now multifaceted platforms to improve your love life like you never thought possible. Sites have matching algorithms, geo-locators, voice recordings, photo galleries, personality quizzes, and many other features to match you with the love of your life. A recent survey by the University of Rochester has found Online dating to be the second most common way of starting a relationship!

When Datedaily discovered Jobbook, a site that matches participants with their ideal jobs, we were impressed with the ability to translate the latest in dating technology to the career world. Jobbook is essentially a matchmaker. Like a dating site, employees and job seekers on the site benefit from Jobbook’s matching service, which matches its members with their dream jobs, based on education, experience, and more importantly, interests. Once job seekers have selected job preferences, they’re free to explore job matches privately and anonymously, and interact directly with the employers they want… much like a dating site!

Datedaily is proud to see sites like Jobbook bring a successful model to such an important aspect of life. After all, if you don’t love what you do, how can you be truly happy?

To get matched with a new job or to hire for your company, visit Jobbook today. You may just find your perfect match.

***

Read more about Jobbook here: Online dating for the perfect job

And be sure to check out their site! Jobbook.com!

In the Season Two, Episode 6 of Coupling, “Gotcha”, Steve (played by Jack Davenport, who can now be seen as a dastardly director on Smash) receives a wedding invitation that freaks him out because of his own relationship status with his girlfriend, Susan. By the end of the episode, he proposes to her a strange manner (look it up!).

Yesterday morning, I freaked out like Steve when I woke up, checked my Facebook, and received an ominous message.

My friend is having a b…

B—-

Baby.

Random acquaintances (or friends of friends) having kids is fine with me, unless of course they continue to bring their kids to parties at which I am drinking. But friends of mine? With whom I went to college? Unacceptable! We’re not finished with our drinking years! And we don’t have husbands, or steady jobs, or life experience!

Actually, my friend is married, has a steady job, and has some life experience. I was speaking about myself – my single, unemployed, but full of life experience, self.

I half joked in a writing meeting the other day that if I had to choose, I would rather contract AIDS than get pregnant. Unfortunately, I cannot add this barb to my set because Donald Glover already performs this bit (damn you Donald Glover!).

But who am I to talk? I can’t get a guy to call me back (the doctor stopped calling), let alone date me seriously, or heaven forbid, sleep with me. I could however go to a sperm bank any day of the week, and my mother wants a grandchild so badly that maybe that isn’t such a bad idea…

I’m just kidding. That’s a horrible idea. I’m not a lesbian in The Kids Are All Right.

If I were on Letterman, below would be the top ten reasons I should never have kids:
1)      I hate them
2)      They are messy, and I cannot deal with mess
3)      You have to spend money on them, and stuff
4)      I would have to curb my drinking habits (or maybe they would just provide me with a new, wonderful excuse to drink?)
5)      My hips are big enough, thanks
6)      Same with the boobs
7)      I like my independence more than anything I could produce from bad sex
8)      I’m too critical – I would become Hitler with my children
9)      I enjoy silence
10)  What if my kid were to become an asshole, and not in the cute Louis CK way. Have you seen We Need to Talk about Kevin? Or read anything about the Columbine massacre?

My mother once said that there must have been some traumatic childhood event that turned me off from the idea of having children, but I don’t think that’s it at all. I loved being a kid, and I stave off the death of my childhood by daily doing childish things. My discomfort concerning my friend’s pregnancy stems not from some Freudian childhood trauma, but from the reality that if her childhood is definitely over, what does this say about mine?
Women were forced to get married and have babies at very young ages against their will for thousands of years. I therefore cannot understand why anyone would want to get pregnant before the age of 30. But this is not my choice, it is my friend’s choice, and I of course defend her right to choose. I choose however to remain utterly and completely independent until this lifestyle choice no longer satisfies me. Or until Jon Hamm becomes single…

In a compelling interview with Kathleen Culliton from Minyanville, Elizabeth explains the history of Mate1, the pressing goals and the trials of being the CEO of small, private, family owned business.  Well-spoken, honest and direct, Elizabeth delivers a telling yet calm view of the business world from a personal level.

Enjoy!

The Small Business Interview: What’s Next for Online Dating?

If your message sounds arrogant, you’ll seem arrogant. If your message sounds ignorant, you’ll seem ignorant. As much as girls are looking for a reason to date you, they’re also looking for a reason not to date you; eliminating you as a possibility sooner rather than later saves them the time of having to go out with you before realizing it’s not a good match.

Your first message is a modern day calling card, and you want to give her a reason to call you back.

How Not to Message a Lady

Be yourself (although not too much, if there are parts of you that come on too strong) and mention something specific about the girl you’re messaging to let her know you’ve read and engaged with her profile. Oh, and mass messages don’t work. We always know when you’re cutting and pasting something you’ve sent to a dozen other girls. Trust me, we know. Don’t bother.

I could go on and on about how to write the perfect message. But I won’t.

Not because I don’t want to, but because there is no formula—every woman is looking for something different—and each message needs to reflect your personality and what you like about the person you’re messaging.

So instead of giving you the How To, I’ll give you the How Not To.

Below are several real messages I have received over the past few months (I swear, I did not make these up) that are perfect examples of how not to message a lady.

Hopefully by process of elimination, whatever you come up with after avoiding these pitfalls will be halfway decent.

(I apologize in advance if you see your message among those, but it’s time someone told it to you straight)

How Not to Message a Lady:

The Passionately Creepy Illiterate:

“Hi there well I think ur smoking hot love to share something with u bud I don’t know if u up for that well me love to make u happy and love make love to u like never before I’m hood at what I do love to have some good time with u if that’s ok with u I will make u happy trust me when I say this to u anyway I hope u gimi a chance and i will do the thinks that ur looking for I hope u talk to me u will have a good time with me I promise u please gimi a chance? Hun u have to talk to me trust me when I say this please talk to me?”

“Gimi” is not a word. Neither is “ur” for that matter. Or “u.” Also, don’t beg for a complete stranger to trust you and give you a chance. 

The “All About Me” Mass Messager:

“Hey how are you? I’m ***. I came across your page and thought you seemed great! so what’s up? well as for me, i’m a broadcast designer/animator at ***. i’d like to talk with you sometime, so let me know if you’re interested. hope to talk to you soon. btw, let me know if you have facebook!”

Asking a complete stranger in a first message if she has facebook is just creepy and weird. There are guys I’ve slept with who I’m not facebook friends with yet because there’s so much personal information on there. What makes you think a girl is going to give you her full name after the first message you send her? Don’t even ask. It’s creepy.

­­

The Not Familiar With Spell Check Guy:

“Hi, I’m ***, I was woundering if you would like to get to know one another…”

Do you not read what you send?

The Too Lazy to Write a Whole Message:

“Hi”

or “Hi ”

or sometimes even just “:)

These mini messages are my biggest pet peeve, and, I assure you, will never get a response.

The Guy Who Gets Down to Business:

“I like Sex”

“Come over/Let’s fuck/insert any other inappropriate suggestion here.”

Please.

***

Now that we’re done wading through the verbal vomit of the dregs of OkCupid, I will give you an example of a message that I actually enjoyed reading. A rare occurrence, believe me.

Remember when I said I wasn’t going to tell you how to write the perfect message?

Well, I lied a little bit.

As opposed to most messages sent on online dating sites, the following isn’t a message whose aim is to set the stage for a possible date. But it has certain qualities that any good message should have. Of course, a good message doesn’t necessarily have to be this long or hit all these point.

A quality one liner is sometimes all you need.

Use your judgment to decide what seems like the best message to send.

How to Message a Lady:

The Articulate Engager:

“I read your article, Five More Things Guys Want In Bed But Are Too Afraid to Ask For. I have a comment regarding another reason guys like facials.

I do agree that the dominant/degrading aspect certainly plays a role. I think the same is true with the idea that guys like when a woman is so focused on their orgasm.

What about the idea that a guy feels as if he’s temporarily marking a woman as his possession after sex? It’s a physical display that the woman was just used by the guy. It doesn’t have to be just on the face. Anywhere where the guy can see it could result in the feeling.

It’s something I thought about when trying to figure out why I’m turned on sometimes by giving a facial. Yet, I do agree it still falls under the dominant category.

Oh and I love the garter belt!”

1) He acknowledges something about me—in this case an article on my column.

2) He engages with it—by agreeing with what I wrote, and then adding something of his own. Although to engage doesn’t necessarily mean to agree. He could have disagreed and still been engaged.

3) He asks a question—pretty essential, if you want a response. A question gives the other person a reason to continue the conversation.

4) He pays me a compliment, but not in a creepy off-putting way—he says, “I love the garter belt.” Not “you look so sexy in the garter belt it makes me want to do dirty things to you.”

***

Not every message you write is going to be a winner. That’s just the way things go. And to be honest, sometimes you might write the best possible message that’s just perfect in every way, but if the girl doesn’t want to have naked times with you, it’s just not going to happen.

So if you thought you wrote something amazing and she never answers, don’t fret, it probably was amazing; it’s not your message, it’s you (if that brings you any consolation).

But if your messages look anything like any of the linguistic train wrecks above, you have some work to do.

So remember, spell check, use real words and complete sentences, and send her something original and thoughtful.

Beyond that, you’re on your own.

***

Have Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Need Advice?

Have a funny/saucy/risqué dating or sex story you’d like to see in print but are too afraid to publish yourself?

Email me!
OliviaQuiver@gmail.com

Or follow me on Twitter!
@OliviaQuiver

But I can explain! I was fired last week. And I have come to the conclusion that one of the reasons I didn’t want a boyfriend was because I already kind of had one (not in the physical sense of course. Remember, I don’t have sex).

When one is a personal assistant (especially in Hollywood), one’s boss’s life conflates with yours. Until my former boss took his Droid away from me (I had two phones, one personal, one professional), I didn’t understand just how much that phone had become my life. That phone could ring at any time, day or night. That phone ruined a fantastic vacation. That phone interrupted more family events than I can count. And I am ecstatic that it’s gone.

But in its absence is this void, this emptiness in my life, that well…kind of reminds me of those dark, lingering weeks after my ex and I broke up.

I am fortunate enough to have never been in an abusive romantic relationship. But I can now say that I have been in an abusive professional relationship.

My former boss was not always abusive. When he was with his (now ex) girlfriend, she kept him in check. He never screamed at me or got in my face or got physical with me in any way.

Then they broke up, and shit got real. I became his girlfriend, his protector, his therapist, and his mother. Caretaking is in my blood – it’s what I do. I took care of my father, I took care of my ex, I recently took care of my grandmother, and now I was taking care of my recovering addict boss who lost the only person in his life who wasn’t using him for his money.

A part of me is jealous of my former boss. I wish I were an actual alcoholic/addict so I could join AA. Everyone I have met in AA has these shining eyes when they talk about their amazing AA community. It may be the only community in Los Angeles that truly crosses those insurmountable socio-economic and racial boundaries. My mother implores me to find my own community by joining a church or a temple but I’m just not Christian or Jewish enough for that shit.

Unfortunately, I am neither an addict, nor am I equipped to deal with how a former addict copes with a broken heart. I tried to give the kind of advice that could help him heal, but after a while, his pain became too much to bear. And yet, even as I acknowledged that his pain was not my pain, I still suffered as he suffered.

The closer I got to him, the worse the abuse became. It started with him screaming at me over the phone. Then he started screaming in my face. The mere mention of his ex’s name drove him to pound my desk with his fist so hard and fast that I had to move my broken swivel chair out of the way so that his fist wouldn’t land on my face.

My mother started to worry about me. She didn’t want me being alone in his house with him anymore. But I wanted to stay.

What the fuck would make me want to keep working for him? I tell myself it’s the money, but now that I am broke (again,) I can see it wasn’t about that.

For the first time in my life, I understand why women stay with abusive partners. Under all those layers of anger, booze, old coke, and pills there is a good person in my former boss. And while I know I was a good employee and friend to him, I still question whether he was right about me – maybe I am just all around shitty person.

And Bang! Within a week of getting sacked (as the British call it), I go on not one, but two dates (one with a doctah!). I feel freer and more open with the opposite sex then I have felt in months. I am finally ready for a new job…and a new man.

As surrogate is not a sex worker, although in California they are classed as the same. A surrogate works with a sex therapist and a client, to futher the therapy with hands-on experience. If you’d like to know more, here is a great reference.

This year in the Sundance Film Festival, a film about sexual surrogates was screened. It is called The Surrogate, and it is about Mark O’Brien, a journalist with a defunct lung who loses his virginity to a sexual surrogate.

The Surrogate

If you can’t wait to see this inspiring and fascinating film, you’re in luck, because there is an orignal production of a documentary about and starring Mark O’Brien, made by  Jessica Yu, available online, called Breathing Lessons!

Watch Beathing Lessons on Snagfilms!