Five Most Awkward Sexual Positions

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Imagine, if you will, a lifetime of missionary.  It would get old pretty quickly, right?

Part of what keeps sex from getting boring is the vast assortment of sexual positions that you can engage in. Being stimulated in different ways makes for different sexual experiences, and plays into different fantasies, which keeps it exciting, especially if you’ve had the same partner for a while.

There are, however, a few positions that might not be worth keeping in the rotation. We’ve all tried them once or twice–sometimes with success–but generally, they’re awkward, uncomfortable, and far from sexy.

Five Most Awkward Sexual Positions

1. Scissoring. First of all, its really hard to move back and forth in a repetitive motion when so much of your body is against the bed. Second of all, you’re kind of thrusting in opposite directions and then back toward each other, both at the same time, which can result in some uncomfortable double bumping if you’re not in perfect sync. Plus, I’m pretty sure erect penises aren’t that happy about being bent downward, so it’s pretty hard to keep it in. And where do all the limbs go? Your bottom arms get crushed up against you, like awkward T-Rex arms, and eventually go numb, your legs are all tangled together. Pass.

2. 69ing. I know, I know, some people love it. Mostly guys. But if your heights don’t align, it’s awkward to have to crane or bend your neck to reach the other person’s special parts. There’s also too much multitasking for my taste. Either I’m distracted by what they guy’s doing, and doing a bad job, or vice versa; either way, someone’s getting shafted (figuratively). And as my friend and fellow sexpert Victoria Wilde so aptly put it, “I’m trying to support my weight, keep my hair out of my face, and give you head all at the same time. No thanks.”

3. Reverse Cowgirl. This is one of the positions that really depends on who you’re doing it with. Sometimes it’s amazing, but sometimes it’s just plain awkward. If the girl is leaning forward (for her) towards his legs, but his penis it trying to bend up (toward him), it ends up hitting all the wrong spots. Unless the girl leans backward (over his chest) and sort of rubs up and down, but that takes a lot of balance and coordination. The exception to this is if a guy’s penis bends downward; then it can be nice. Otherwise it’s not really worth all the trouble.

4. Both legs over his shoulders. Even if the girl is super flexible, it’s still uncomfortable. One leg is fine–great even! And I love it when the guy holds my legs on either side of him, in the cooks of his elbows; a little elevation makes for a deeper sensation. But both legs straight up in the air, especially when the guy is leaning forward, bending me into a U, is too contortionist even for me, and I do yoga!

5. Up against the wall. Unless the guy is super tall and big enough to hold the girl up there*, or you’re the exact same height, it doesn’t really work. She ends up balancing on one leg, he has to crouch and thrust at the same time, and in the end you spend too much time focusing on not falling down than on actually enjoying yourself.  *The only time this position worked for me was in college with a 6’4″ crazy built and rugged Nova Scotian who picked me up like a tiny doll and just pinned me to the wall. 

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Sometimes–with the right person, skill, and flexibility–these positions can be lots of fun and really get you off. But more often than not they end up being more awkward than pleasurable, and worst case, someone might actually get hurt!

Do yourself a favor and stick to the positions that don’t let you down.

What’s the most awkward sexual position you’ve tried?

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Olivia Quiver

I believe that everything is better with a little Sauce. I enjoy playing devil's advocate, lusting after boys I know are too young for me, and drinking bourbon, neat. A sharp wit can slay me, as will a devilish smile. When I'm not giving unsuspecting men a run for their money, I'm telling my friends about it over a glass of wine. My other hobbies include running in Central Park and making a mess in the kitchen. The Sauce follows my adventures and misadventures around New York City, as well as my general musings about sex, dating, relationships, and, occasionally, love.
  • Anonymous1

    Doggy is my favorite position!