Masturbation has been around since, well, since puberty, and some artists decided that rather than use their hands solely for that purpose, they would write some songs about masturbation instead.
Here now are 7 of those awesome masturbation songs:
Songs about masturbation #1
Touch of my Hand
It’s no shock that Britney Spears likes to masturbate. Of course she didn’t write the song, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t really sing it, either, but still, the world would not have a hard time imagining Britney Spears, lying on a bed, surrounded by empty bags of Cheetos and plastic soda bottles while she uses a rabbit to get herself off.
You know it’s about masturbation when she says: I love myself, It’s not a sin, I can’t control what’s happenin’, ‘Cause I just discovered, Imagination’s taking over, Another day without a lover, The more I come to understand, The touch of my hand
Songs about masturbation #2
When Cyndi Lauper was the daring type – you remember when half her head was shaved into checkers and the other half was popsicle orange? – she wrote a song that 10-year-olds loved. It was called She Bop. Ten-year-olds didn’t know it was about masturbation, however. And neither did their parents.
But yes, Cyndi Lauper was a masturbator, just as we all were in the ‘80s. The only difference was that we didn’t get to write a song about it.
You know it’s about masturbation when she says: Do I wanna go out with a lion’s roar? Huh, yeah, I wanna go south and get me some more, Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine, They say I better stop – or I’ll go blind.
Songs about masturbation #3
Oops Oh My
This really upbeat song by Tweet (who came before Twitter, I might add) and friend Missy Elliott is about a woman who is unable to stop herself from masturbating because she just finds herself so attractive. Been there.
You know it’s about masturbation when she says: I tried and I tried to avoid, but this thing was happening, Swallow my pride, Let it ride and party, But this body felt just like mines, I got worried, I looked over to the left, a reflection of myself, that’s why I couldn’t catch my breath.
Songs about masturbation #4
Dancing With Myself
Billy Idol’s song title is not as obscure as Cyndi Lauper’s (see above), but this song is a melody of the times. I still remember Billy Idol pumping his fist in the video with that fingerless leather glove on. Ah, good times.
You know it’s about masturbation when he says: When there’s no one else in sight, in the crowded lonely night, well I wait so long, for my love vibration, and I’m dancing with myself.