7 Songs About Masturbation

Songs about masturbation

Songs about masturbation

Masturbation has been around since, well, since puberty, and some artists decided that rather than use their hands solely for that purpose, they would write some songs about masturbation instead.

Here now are 7 of those awesome masturbation songs:

Songs about masturbation #1

Touch of my Hand

Britney Spears
It’s no shock that Britney Spears likes to masturbate. Of course she didn’t write the song, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t really sing it, either, but still, the world would not have a hard time imagining Britney Spears, lying on a bed, surrounded by empty bags of Cheetos and plastic soda bottles while she uses a rabbit to get herself off.

You know it’s about masturbation when she says: I love myself, It’s not a sin, I can’t control what’s happenin’, ‘Cause I just discovered, Imagination’s taking over, Another day without a lover, The more I come to understand, The touch of my hand

Songs about masturbation #2

She Bop

Cyndi Lauper
When Cyndi Lauper was the daring type – you remember when half her head was shaved into checkers and the other half was popsicle orange? – she wrote a song that 10-year-olds loved. It was called She Bop. Ten-year-olds didn’t know it was about masturbation, however. And neither did their parents.

But yes, Cyndi Lauper was a masturbator, just as we all were in the ‘80s. The only difference was that we didn’t get to write a song about it.

You know it’s about masturbation when she says: Do I wanna go out with a lion’s roar? Huh, yeah, I wanna go south and get me some more, Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine, They say I better stop – or I’ll go blind.

Songs about masturbation #3

Oops Oh My

Tweet
This really upbeat song by Tweet (who came before Twitter, I might add) and friend Missy Elliott is about a woman who is unable to stop herself from masturbating because she just finds herself so attractive. Been there.

You know it’s about masturbation when she says: I tried and I tried to avoid, but this thing was happening, Swallow my pride, Let it ride and party, But this body felt just like mines, I got worried, I looked over to the left, a reflection of myself, that’s why I couldn’t catch my breath.

Songs about masturbation #4

Dancing With Myself

Billy Idol
Billy Idol’s song title is not as obscure as Cyndi Lauper’s (see above), but this song is a melody of the times. I still remember Billy Idol pumping his fist in the video with that fingerless leather glove on. Ah, good times.

You know it’s about masturbation when he says: When there’s no one else in sight, in the crowded lonely night, well I wait so long, for my love vibration, and I’m dancing with myself.

Next page: More great songs about masturbation… >>

  • Papa Uri

    Forgot the best two!!

    “I’m Turning Japanese” by The Vapors, and the number one, all time, greatest masturbation song ever…..

    “Relax” by Frankie Goes To Hollywood!!

  • Vod Kanockers

    You also forgot Jackson Browne’s ‘Rosie’

  • michele

    you also forgot “He’s My Best Friend” by Jellyfish

    i’ve known him all my life
    it seems so inconceviable
    at thirteen we shooks hands but we’ve
    been always inseparable
    he’s cinnamon on my toast we’re so
    close

    that’s not to say we haven’t had our
    share of arguments
    he’s so unpredictable he winks
    acknowledgments
    when i would rather he closed his eye
    than push me aside

    my hand’s a five leaf clover
    it’s palm sunday over and over
    i never had the luck of swingers
    till i was wrapped around your finger

    he’s my best friend
    he’s my best friend
    he’s my best friend
    i’m his best friend
    he’s my best friend

    you don’t need a brain to have a
    stroke of genius
    or a beautiful girl to let down
    your curls
    cause growing up is hard enough
    when your a powderkeg for
    powderpuffs
    (whether we’re stayin’ in or hanging out)
    i’d never ask another on a date to
    the ball
    he doesn’t need a rubber sweater or
    alcohol
    cause he gets tipsy from exchanging looks
    and a little misty reading sticky
    blue dirty books

    but he’s my best friend
    he’s my best friend
    i’m his best friend
    he’s my best friend

    my hand’s a five leaf clover
    it’s palm sunday over and over
    i never had the luck of swingers
    till i was wrapped around your finger

    he’s my best friend
    (we could hold hands for hours)
    he’s my best friend
    (in the bedroom or shower)
    he’s my best friend
    (i pick him up when he’s feelin down)
    he’s my best friend
    (i guess he’s always been hangin around)
    he’s my best friend
    (he gets lonely now and then)
    he’s my best friend
    (and he gets shy around another men)
    I’m his best friend
    (it seems i’ve reached the end of my best friend)