Don’t you know who Honey Boo Boo is? You don’t? Well time to turn over that rock you’ve been living under and learn to redneckognize the Toddlers and Tiaras star for what she is: a veritable fount of solid life advice. Here are some gems from the pint-size (okay, make that a LARGE pint) princess:
Get Yourself A Catchphrase
A catchphrase celebrates your individuality and is a great way to showcase your wit. Play this card wisely as the charming appeal of ‘redneckognize’ is utterly absent when you pick something off-putting like Ryan Lochte‘s ‘Jeah’. It works best when used sparingly.
Always Have a Fierce Face Ready In Case of Emergencies
If HBB is anything, she is aware of how she presents herself to other people. She may not always have the big BEAUTY hair but she always has flair, even if she is waist-deep in mud.
You should be so lucky!
Love Your Body, No Matter What Size
HBB may be a big girl, but she doesn’t hide her size, she owns it and THAT’s awesome. So next time you’re on a date don’t order a salad, or shrimp cocktail get those baby-back ribs you’ve been craving and chow down with gusto. If you’re date can’t handle it, they clearly need to redneckognize.
Project Your Self-Confidence Onto Others
One of the most important strategies you can use to get someone to fall for you is conveying an air of confidence. Begin with a daily affirmation of “they love me, they looove me” repeated ad nauseum until you start to posess the blistering narcissism…err self-confidence that Honey Boo Boo has.
Know Who You Are, Don’t Change That
In case you’ve forgotten, HBB is a certified beauty queen and she brings that sense of regal duty to everything she does. Aim to do the same.
Don’t Just Stand There, DANCE!
When you’re at the clurrrb, it’s too easy to focus on competing with your fellow ladies for the spotlight. Stop that. Do as Honey Boo Boo does and dance like your heart is in it. Shine on you crazy rhinestone.
Be Considerate, Think of Others
While HBB may be comfortable in her own skin, she respects the health concerns of others, like in the above image where she volunteers to take the carb-laden, high-fructose corn-syrup fueled bullet for Mama.
Now that’s pure selflessness.
Feel Free to Like What You Like:
Honey Boo Boo knows what she wants and what she likes and never backs down. Your date thinks going to do lazer-tag isn’t ironically hip enough for him yet. Screw him.
HBB wouldn’t ditch her mud-jumping ways for no man, neither should you. Never be ashamed of the things that make you happy, unless they’re criminal activities. Then you can totally be ashamed of them, you weirdo.
Get That Money!
Being financially ambitious isn’t something you should hide. You werk hard for your money you’ve earned the right to flaunt it, your partner should respect that. Also: don’t be afraid to holler for a doller, you never know where it could take you.
Now, let Honey Boo Boo sing for you the song of her people: