The Friend Zone – How To Avoid It

Avoid the friend zone

Avoid the friend zone



Currently running her website,, Sebastyne is a big fan of online dating, and finds dating in general interesting. However, she has recently married a man who found her online, so she has left the dating world behind. Of course, Sebastyne is still keenly observing the process of coupling and looking for love.


Nice guys finish last, they say. Unfortunately, when it comes to women, it is very often true. Nice guys are often the ones that get stuck in the Friend Zone. The reason is that nice guys have too much respect for women. I know that sounds bad, but bear with me for a while.

Stay away from the friend zone

Women don’t really want a man who is bad to the bone, despite the popular misconception on this. They want a man who appears bad but is truly good in the heart. They want someone to tame and rescue, take home, give him a wash and a meal and bring out a whole new man.

That never really works though, and it’s slightly illogical: if women want to take the bad guy and turn him nice, why don’t they just take the nice guy and save all the hassle?

The answer is that bad guys make women feel sexy. It’s not about bad guys being sexier per se, it’s their ability to make the women feel sexy and desirable. Women are rarely ready to take the lead in sexual relationships, because that is kind of the guy’s job, and the guys are (supposed to be) turned on by us just by looking at us.

Women get turned on by the way a guy talks to them, the way he looks at them and the way he touches them.

Why nice guys own the friend zone

Nice guys want to hide this from women, and pretend like they weren’t turned on by them but were only interested in their mind, waiting for the girls to signal their interest to them. They keep waiting forever, as the girl is waiting for the same thing, out of an assumption that guys make the first move.

And if a woman thinks you don’t have sexual feelings for her, she’s going to treat you like a friend, hence the friend zone. That is not to say you shouldn’t be interested in her for her mind, just don’t forget that she is, after all, a woman.

The key to being a nice guy with a bad streak – the best type of a guy any girl could dream of having – is not about how you dress or walk or anything like that. You can stay in the exact outfit you love. None of that matters.

You don’t have to be handsome; you don’t need muscles or a big wallet. And you seriously don’t need poetry – unless it’s naughty (but all of that helps your cause, apart from the romantic poetry).

I have two words for you, friend zone avoider: Slightly inappropriate.

Use inappropriateness to avoid the friend zone

You don’t have to turn into a sleaze bag, and I wish you wouldn’t; just learn to take the opportunities of being just a little bit naughty. The intention here is to let the girl understand that you see her as a member of the opposite sex, and you have realized she has boobs and other interesting bits and that your bits are interested in those bits.

You don’t want to push yourself on her, just make a sly comment here and there, along the lines of “oh wouldn’t you want to know”, and “I know what you’re thinking”, and forget compliments like “your dress looks nice” or “you look good today”. Blah. Her father can say things like that to her, and that won’t register as sexual type of interest in her mind.

You have to go a step further than what her father would say… but if it makes you uncomfortable to think about her father at a time like this, use a brother or some other relative as a guide post. If it would be weird for a relative to say, then it’s good for you to say!

Disguise everything with humor. Flirting is about humor. It shouldn’t matter if it doesn’t result in anything the first time; your goal is to get her to slap you on the arm and go, “oh you’re terrible!” or “oh shut up!”, and giggle while she does that. Make her just a little bit uncomfortable around you, just so that she knows she’s not with a “friend”.

It’s time you avoided the friend zone for good… Read on >>

  • theurbandater

    Great article!

    As a former card carrying member of the friendship zone I can attest that flirting is key in making a woman understand that there’s something more than friendship lurking about.

    How I began to overcome the dilemma of the friendship zone was that I would take action. Not in a creepy ‘throw yourself at a woman’ kind of way. But if I was attracted to a gal I would let her know that. Either by flirting with her, as you suggested, or, I’d seize the moment and kiss her. Now, I do have to state that those times when I did try to kiss the woman, it was in the context of a date… Yeah, I’ve gotten the “cheek” reaction. Which sucks, but at least I knew where I stood. If friendship was possible then that’s fine. But at least I’m not wasting time figuring out of a girl is interested or not. I know, so I can focus my energies else where.