Julie Spira is a best-selling author, cyber-dating expert, and radio show host. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and hosts the weekly radio show, “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert”. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com where singles and couples can share their online dating stories.
Reader Question #1: First boyfriend is “the one”?
I’m a very inexperienced 23-year-old and I’ve never had a boyfriend, until now. I joined Mate1.com about two weeks ago and met a really great guy.
We chat almost everyday, exchange calls, and even met up a few times. He is kind, respectful, and gives me as much space as I need, but lately things have become quite intimate and I think I might be developing some serious feelings.
My question is; am I rushing into things? Should I try meeting other guys to see what else is out there? I’ve felt so happy since I met him, but then I’m not used to getting attention from men so is it because of him or the attention?
Julie Spira’s answer:
Congratulations on meeting a quality guy on Mate1.com. At 23-years old, you are aware that you are not very experienced with men. Chatting with your new beau almost every day after only a few weeks of dating is a good sign that you are developing a relationship.
What kind of relationship? It’s too soon for anyone at any age to know after two weeks. It’s important to know that when a woman becomes intimate with a man, she automatically bonds to him.
The chemicals are released and you might even feel like you love this man early on. If you have serious feelings for him and the feelings are mutual, just enjoy it. He has all of the qualities of a dream guy so far. Unless you have the conversation about being exclusive, assume you are not.
By dating other men, it will help keep this new relationship in perspective. If you both decide together to retire your online dating profiles, then you will need to focus on this relationship and treat him the way you want to be treated.
Enjoying the honeymoon phase of a new relationship and see where it goes. Don’t put too expectations on the relationship and hope that he is as happy as you are.
Reader Question #2: Too judgmental on dates
Every time I meet a girl I think I’m interested in, she manages to do something that really irritates me to the point where I can’t forgive it and I dismiss her. I’m starting to think that I’ll never meet the right girl.
Is it me or are women really full of themselves lately? I can’t deal with their immature behavior but my friends tell me I’m acting like Seinfeld with the whole “close talker, man hands” kind of attitude. Is it me or the women?
Julie Spira’s answer:
Men often complain that many women are too picky all of the time. Lori Gottlieb, author of a “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Right” says that women make a list of 300 deal-breakers and men typically have a list of only three.
I hate to burst your bubble, but there is no perfect woman. The fantasy woman just doesn’t exist. Unless you are dismissing the women for meaningful reasons such as attacking your family, being rude in public, or putting you down, chances are you are too picky.
Try to give the women another chance. Ask yourself how you would feel if the women dismissed you for the same reasons that irked you.
If you think that women are too immature, find someone a bit older who won’t have that trait that you dislike so much. Bottom line; change the type of women you are dating and see if that makes a difference.
Good luck with your search.