Growing up, I was taught that men were the pursuers and women were the pursued, but nowadays, it seems that guys play just as hard to get as women do and women even have to do some of the pickups.
And if you’re very interested in a guy, is it ever okay to make the move and call him first?
Because I didn’t know the answer and all I had to go on was my outdated mother who still thinks that if a man doesn’t buy a woman flowers within the first week, the relationship is doomed, I consulted every man and woman I know. And here’s what I came up with regarding whether or not women should call men first.
Men like being chased
Although some guys claim to feel emasculated if a woman makes the first move (not me, personally), if you and he have exchanged numbers, guys find it refreshing when you call and it takes pressure away from them to decide when it’s appropriate to call you up.
Of course, you need to figure out what’s appropriate and not-so-cool in the ways of conversation. And because you have no idea if he’s in the middle of something, you should always ask if you’re imposing.
So between the girls who have had the balls to call men first and the guys who have been on the receiving end of such an experience, here’s what you should and should not do when you pick up that phone to see what’s going on.
Call men first tip #1
Leave a message
To start, if he’s not home, leave him a message that contains your name, your number and where you met. You need to leave your number because, as we’ve learned in endless movies and TV shows, it’s possible that his dog ate it, he laundered it, or his friend borrowed his pants and then defecated in them.
And don’t leave a 5-minute message, he’ll think you don’t know when to shut up and you’ll probably end up saying something that he interprets the wrong way. So remember: Name, number and where you met. Not what you were wearing or how he approached you, or how you made out – just where you met.
Call men first tip #2
Don’t spend hours talking
In line with not leaving an epic message, if he answers the phone and, even if he tells you he’s not busy, don’t go on a tangent and start talking about everything under the sun. Your objective is to get him to ask you out without having to coax him into it.
If he likes you, he’ll ask you out pretty quickly and won’t need to hear that you just came out of the shower, even if it’s true. You want him to get to know you, not immediately imagine himself giving it to you (although he probably did that when you first met).
Call men first tip #3
While you’re on the phone, give him signs that you’re interested in him. I know, you think that having picked up the phone should be indication enough, but compliments never hurt anyone and it’s up to you to big up his ego enough to get him to ask you out on a date.
Mention where you met and how great he smelled or how his voice sounds like Clive Owen’s on the phone. A little ego stroke can go a long way with the bizzoys.
Call men first tip #4
Take the hint
If you call him and you’ve spent 5 minutes chatting, and despite your compliments and your attempts to carry on a flirtatious conversation, he’s just not making a move to ask you out, you have to face the facts: He’s not interested.
It happens to women all the time; you give a guy your number and then regret it because you really weren’t interested. Of course, you are “courteous” enough to ignore our phone calls until we back off. Well, I hate to break it you, but it happens to guys, too.
If he doesn’t ask you out, tell him it was great talking to him and say goodbye. Don’t ask him if he’s gay or if he’s a player, just bid him farewell and move on to the thousands of other men who would love nothing more than to receive a phone call from you.
To call men first is tough
It’s tough to put your pride aside and make the first move, especially if you’re used to the boys making all the moves and facing possible rejection.
And even if a guy does reject you, don’t vow to never call men first again; do you think we stop approaching women after one rejects us? Of course not, if we did, it would put an end to the human race as we know it.
So don’t be afraid to call men first, but remember to let him do the asking out, and before you know it, you will be going on so many dates, that you’ll need more than seven days in a week to fit them all in.