Jackie Black, Ph.D. is an internationally recognized Relationship Expert, Educator and Coach, and the best-selling author of Meeting Your Match: Cracking the code to successful relationships, and Couples and Money: Cracking the code to ending the #1 conflict in marriage, which is scheduled for release in early 2010. Dr. Jackie is a popular Internet syndicated writer and radio personality; and is frequently cited in major men’s and women’s magazines, and relationship-focused web sites. Visit www.DrJackieBlack.com and contact Dr. Jackie at DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com.
Reader Question #1: Why won’t he kiss me?
I’m seeing a guy and I am still not sure if he wants to be with me. We’ve been seeing each other about twice a week for 2 months. When we’re together, he treats me great and showers me with attention and affection.
The thing is, he has never attempted to kiss me, and I think this is weird. And when we’re apart, he never calls just to say “hi.” He only calls to make plans.
I’m not used to dating a man who doesn’t want at least a kiss after the first date, let alone the 8th. Should I confront him and, if so, what should I ask him?
Dr. Jackie Black’s answer:
I think you need to be clear about why you are dating. Are you dating to go out and have fun? Are you dating for sex? Or are you dating to find a man whose beliefs, values and interests match yours so you can build a long-lasting, happy relationship together?
If you are dating for sex, I suggest you make that clear to yourself and to the men you are dating, and then date the men who only want to have sex with you. There are plenty of men who will “want you” until they don’t; until they get tired of you; or until the next woman comes along and captures their attention.
If you are dating to find your ideal partner, then focus on getting to know the man you are dating and stop worrying if he wants to be with you sexually.
It’s your job to be the chooser. You decide if you like him; and what it is about him that you like, respect and enjoy.
Become a good observer of yourself and of the men you are dating, and don’t get distracted by having sex or needing or wanting to be desired.
I wish you all the best on this journey to finding love!
Remember, only YOU can make it happen.