Julie Spira is a best-selling author, cyber-dating expert, and radio show host. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and hosts the weekly radio show, “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert”. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com where singles and couples can share their online dating stories.
Question #1: She’s losing interest
I met a woman online and we have been dating steadily for 3 months. The thing is, she gets so caught up with work and her social life that she never seems to have time for me.
I feel like I’m the one who’s doing all the calling, setting up all the dates, and making all the moves. At first, she cleared her schedule for me – I was the number one thing in her life. But now it seems that she is more interested in everything but me.
I feel like I’m losing her but she insists that this is just part of life and that she’s still very into me. How can I make her make me a priority again?
Julie Spira’s answer:
Nothing feels worse than when you find your relationship slipping away. The first 3 months of any relationship is the “perfect stage.” This is where couples are infatuated with their new love interest.
Being the man and calling to set up dates is something many women expect the man to do. After 3 months, things settle into a groove. If you are slipping down on the totem pole, it’s time to have a talk with her.
Sit her down and ask her what she thinks of the relationship status. Let her know that you would like to spend more time with her. If she is happy with the present schedule, and you are not, perhaps it’s time to start dating other women.
Question #2: Dating much younger men
I am dating a much younger man – he’s 23 and I’m 42. He treats me
like gold and I love spending time with him. So what’s the problem? Well, wherever we go, young girls are always hitting on him and treating me like I’m his mother.
At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now it’s really starting to take a toll on my ego. Should I stay with this guy who claims to love me or should I try to find someone my own age and settle?
I really adore this younger gentleman and he doesn’t even seem to notice these younger girls. But I’m afraid that if we stay together, he will start to notice them in a few years. What do you think? Can relationships between younger men and older women really work?
Julie Spira’s answer:
With Cougar Mania, Cougar Town with Courteney Cox, and official Cougar Conferences, you are not alone in dating a much younger man. As a matter of fact, it’s now in vogue.
Dating younger men is not a new concept. Look at the long-standing relationship with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins which recently ended after 23 years. I’d call that a good run. There’s Demi and Ashton, Juliet Mills and Maxwell Caulfield.
If he truly loves you and you don’t notice him staring at women closer in age to himself, you might have a terrific relationship on your hands.
Where the problem may arise is if he is interested in having children. If his goal is to become a father, or if he is uncertain about this issue, you could get hurt. Find out if your life goals are the same, and if so, enjoy the relationship.