My Friend’s Boyfriend Is Cheating

Would you tell your friend her boyfriend's a cheater?

Would you tell your friend her boyfriend's a cheater?

Julie Spira is a best-selling author, cyber-dating expert, and radio show host. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and hosts the weekly radio show, “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert”. Visit her at where singles and couples can share their online dating stories.

Reader question #1: Friend’s boyfriend is cheating
I just discovered that my friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her. Under normal circumstances, I would tell her.

But I used to have a crush on this guy before he began dating my friend, and she knows that. I get the feeling that if I told her, she would think I was lying and perhaps jealous.

He knows I know, and now there is a lot of tension between us. So what do I do? Do I keep my mouth shut and let her figure it out?

Or do I tell her and let the chips fall where they may?


Julie Spira’s answer:
Dear Lisa,

I’ve always believed that you should treat someone the way that you would like to be treated. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, jealousy, and cheating, you are walking on a very thin line.

Regardless of whether you tell your girlfriend or not, she will always think you have a thing for her guy and your conversation will not be taken as someone who sincerely wanted to help.

A woman’s intuition is very strong. Chances are, she already knows her guy has a roving eye. It’s her responsibility to decide whether she wants to stay in a relationship with a man who is not devoted to her.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, and you don’t know what conversations they may already have had regarding exclusivity, monogamy, and the type of relationship they choose to have between them.

Sometimes jealousy and competitiveness between women can be just as bad as infidelity in a relationship. Being the messenger in this case will cost you your friendship with her. Are you willing to walk away empty-handed? I suggest you sleep on it.

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